So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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