I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
