Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
