Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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