Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
