Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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