Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
50% drunk capacity currently
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
