just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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