I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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