you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
