the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
