It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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