How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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