she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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