I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
