he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
