Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
