He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
