the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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