Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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