WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
