Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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