I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize