I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
