she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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