oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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