Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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