K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
