There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
