Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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