if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
