so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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