So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
