k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
