She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
