I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
