She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
