I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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