Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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