you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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