All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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