I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
