btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
