census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
