We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize