He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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