so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
