I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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