so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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