help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
