So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
