It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
