I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
