haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
