I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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