addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
