were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize