Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
