how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
