May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my poor anus
Drake has all the answers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
