And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize