we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
