You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
