so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
