Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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