I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
