I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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