I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
