They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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