I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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