apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
