5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need water and some morals
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
