So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He shit in the fireplace
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
