My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
