He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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