Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
