Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize