we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
