When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this will be a night to untag.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
