I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
