every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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