This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
